Tales of acidic blood and sharp, very sharp instruments

OUCH!

That is the keyword of the day. Now that the day is finally drawing to a close, it has receded into a dull, throbbing pain that threatens to keep me awake at night. The only solace I have are the words of an old Russian guy who’s blood has since stopped clogging — “Pain is for pussies”. I had a root canal today. It rained all day, and was 40 something. How was your Monday? huh?

My old timers, and by old timers I mean really old timers, will know that I’m not blessed with particularly cavity resistant teeth. It is ironic though that most people I meet, comment on how great my teeth are, white and perfectly aligned. Oh how little do they know. Before I start ranting about my dental problems, I want to tell you that I brush twice a day. Floss 3 times a day. Rinse twice a day. So, with that knowledge, read on …

Back when I was at Ohio State, I had a hot dentist who was a grad student. We even hung out at her GF’s bachelorette party at a campus bar. She kissed my BFF and was terribly drunk and one of her boobies was trying very hard to nip  up. Though she was a hot, she was a terrible dentist. I say that matter of factly, as if the two are even connected! ha! Anyways. She had done a crown for me, which I thought was acting up. Sometime last week, I thought I’d get it checked out.

My new dentist, a 60 yr old Russian, of cold war age, informed me that I need not one, not two, but THREE new root canals. I grumbled. But deep down inside I knew that what he said made sense. These three teeth were giving me trouble ever since I was a kid. Every three or four years, they would play musical chairs and one of them would decide to pop out their filling. The new filling would only be larger, and closer to the nerve. *wince*

I grudgingly decided to go in for the root canal today. It also happened to be the first day at work for my dentist’s assistant, who was joining dental assistance after a 17 yr long hiatus. This made for some interesting convo.

Dr. E: So, you don’t drink alcohol, right?

Yoda: You’re kidding, right?

Dr. E: No, you drink yesterday?

Yoda: Yes. Plenty.

Dr. E: Your blood ph level is low, anesthetic will not take good effect.

Yoda: (under breath) Dear mother of christ, I will feed a thousand orphans every day of my living life if you blank out the next two hours.

Dr. E: Pain is for pussies, yes?

Yoda: (nearly faints)

Dr. E: (takes Yoda’s trembling hands) I’ll be gentle, I promise. (follows it up with a wry smile)

I have limited recollection of what transpired after that. All I remember is that Dr. E wasn’t very happy with the assistant and bitched at her.

Dr. E: Root Canal. Root Canal! All day root canal! I do everything!!

Jen: Its my first day doc, don’t give up on me.

Dr. E: Not your fault Jen. You don’t know anything!

Yoda: (peeks into a mirror to see if Jen is sobbing)

Dr. E: (to Yoda) Do you want to assist in the root canal?

Yoda: Mumbles (through five shots of Novocaine). That would be inconvenient.

Finally, the procedure ends after two and a half hours! And as I leave …

Dr. E: It is going to hurt for the next couple of days, yes? I had to dig sorry deep in your teeth. You take Advil, but too many side effect! Pain is better, yes?

Yoda: (M-O-T-H-E-R-F-U-C-K-E-R!)

Anatomy of a hungry shopper … err shopper’s bag!

There is a thing about old adages. They are true! How about this fine old adage. “Thou shalt not go food shopping when hungry”. I just choose to disregard the wise advice and nearly every time I go shopping, I’m hungry as hell. Looking at it the other way, maybe I go food shopping only because I’m hungry and there’s nothing to be had at home? Hmmm …

I may have gone a little berserk at Whole Foods / Stop & Shop last night. We will inspect y’days loot, shall we? We will start off with the re-stocking of the Yoda’s legendary drinks bar.

Glenfiddich: This my dear friends, is my favorite drink. Of ALL TIME. If you ever meet me and want to buy me a drink (don’t look at me like that, some say I’m cute!). Then you need not think for sec. All I could ever want is a scotch on the rocks. Glenfiddich single malt. If the bar is out of that, then I’ll settle for a Glenlivet (it’ll only cost you more). But under NO circumstances are you going to buy the drink if the bar serves it in plastic glasses. Hard blunt objects were invented to beat people who insult a scotch like that!!!

Smirnoff: Nothing too exciting here moving on. I only got it ‘coz my fave Stoli was atrociously priced and they were running a special on this “fake” vodka which is made in Connecticut. Vodka in CT? Ewwww. Will someone please help the dollar with its woes with the euro, so that Yoda can go back to Stolichnaya??

Bombay: A blogger once introduced me to this. Along with garlic flavored olives (which I happen to have), and the vermouth (featured under), this makes the driest stiffest martinis!! If you want, you can replace the garlic olives with ones stuffed with bleu cheese … ‘coz as we all know, I love cheese. (more on that later).

Makers: This is J’s fave drink. Makers on the rocks or with Ginger Ale. You have to love a woman who can drink real liquor and not hide behind fruity martinis!! Um, yeah, she can hold her liquor too. I was a bit grossed out at the thought of Bourbon, b’coz come on … when you read “hand made” whiskey, you imagine dirty hairy hands stirring your whiskey. Chicks don’t make drinks, do they? So, yeah.

Baileys: Chick drink. I only drink it with my milk. What? A grown man can’t have milk? Pffft. I drink it by the gallons. J loves drinking milk too (hey! no dirty thoughts!!) If you are a chick and are planning on spending a groovy Saturday afternoon at my place, no worries, I’ve got you covered drink wise. If you are a man, and you spot this in my drink corner and go “Oooh!” … that’s when I declare you gay.

Martini Rossi: Driest vermouth ever. Made in Italy and simply great. The only vermouth that is better than this? The Extra Dry version of the same make. Moving on …

Montepulciano D’Abruzzo, Cab Sav, Cab Franc: Vino. You know? Essentials. If you notice, all of them are red. All of them are at least 2 years aged. If you be paying any attention, you know what kinda wine I like. Aged, red, dry. Let me repeat that: DRY! The most horrific thing ever invented was Port. UGH. EWWW! Just the thought made get goosebumps. Most disgusting ever. On occasion, I’ve been known to have white too. Nothing fancy, just your basic Pinot Greeg. Not featured? My fave wine: Chianti. Again, no surprises, red & dry.

After I was done with my drink shopping, I went and hit the food stores. With a single purpose. Hoard all food and survive the next nuclear fallout. Food prices are crazzzzy, I spent at least $200 on all that junk. We’ll go through all of that shall we?

Whole fruits and veggies: The less of this you buy, the better. Regardless of what your mama taught you. Whole veggies means that you have to spend insane amounts of time peeling, cutting and assorted BULL SHIT. This wastes time, and as another old adage goes? “Time is Gold”. We all know that Gold is good for us! I got spring onions, potatoes, onions, grape tomatoes (for my salad), strawberries (for playing naughty with whipped cream), mini carrots, mushrooms. I’m planning to cook for J tonight, so most of this stuff will be gone.

Drinks: Ginger ale (for the Maker’s and ginger drink). Cream Soda. Who the FUCK gets cream soda??? I know no one. Its only me. Stop & Shop usually is out of Cream soda. I’m surprised they even stock it. I got the last bottle y’day. It makes for some yummy drinks with the (blech) Smirnoff vodka. Bud Light. That shit is so weak, that you cook with it. Yoda tip: If you are frying fish or wedges? Soak them in bud light for some time. They taste SO much better. Gatorade, for gym time! One of those is gone already from last night’s spinning class at NYSC.

Nuts: I regularly stock my kitchen with a variety of nuts. Cashews, Pistachio, Walnut, Almonds. Not only are they healthy snacks, but the make for AWESOME salad additions. A dash of these? and your kids will gobble up your salad. Talking of great salad additions ….

Goat Cheese: You can’t see it, but its there, trust me! In fact, two boxes of it. That shit is SO good. I always liked it, but really gave it a second shot after someone from (wink, wink) professed her obsession for that stuff. Its the best salad addition, and really goes well with a lot of other stuff. Someone has been known for eating it right out of the box.

Junk Food: ‘coz every diet needs a little wiggle room! This week’s feature. Snicker’s ice-cream bar. These babies are GOIN down sooooon Rice pudding. It would be a healthy snack, but for all the sweets in it. Ugh. I can take like 1 of those at a time. Why I got them y’day? Beats me! The Doritos and Uno’s Pizza are the 800 lb gorillas on the stove

A night at the Roxbury!

The excuses are going to sound lame, but they are obligatory So let’s get them over with, shall we? The last few weeks have been crraaaxxy out here in the show that is my life. Everything is going great with J, and may I add — too great??!?! We end up spending almost every other weeknight together, and that can mean only one thing. Metro North has been our best friend of late! Also, that commuting kills you. Not with a quick stab to the heart, but death by a thousand cuts … till you can’t bleed anymore. That’s my excuse anyway. Now for the fun part

The weekend before last, I and J decided to do a little getting away from the hustle bustle of it all. Given that the weather gods were shining on us, a little outdoor adventure was beckoning to us. I practically live in the Hudson valley, and a bit further north, we have the Catskills. The Hudson valley is home to a whole lot of vineyards, and that weekend? They were running a special. For $25, you get to taste wines and nibble on pasta at TEN wineries in the area, along the Shawangunk Wine Trail! The wineries are spread over an area of about 50 miles or so, and going from one to another pretty much feels like an adventure quest. At every pit stop you get to dunk a bunch of wine down your cake hole and obtain directions to the next. We ran into some folk who were doing the trail along with us, so it was kinda fun to see the same people at different spots. Of course, you get to learn a whole lotta junk about different wines are made, etc. We would strongly recommend anyone who lives in the area to give this a shot if they’re looking for a day long (or even two day long) date.

Grape today, wine tomorrow!

The Jetta does an awesome job on the wine trail and climbs its first hill. Also, manages to look its best!

All the wine you can taste and buy

Perfect day to traipse through the Hudson Valley!!

After we were done with the Wineries, we drove up and beyond the Catskills to the quaint town of Roxbury. Its one of those two street towns you might just miss if you don’t look at the window for two minutes. We had reserved a room at “The Roxbury“, which turned out to be SUCH a treat. We pretty much stumbled on it while looking for a place to stay online. Its the prettiest and cutest little motel you could ever find. The place is run by two gay men (who used to live in the city), and clearly gay men have the best sense of style. Fo’ sho’. We got the “Go lightly a go-go” room, which was modeled after the Tiffany’s 5th Ave store. Complete with portraits and images of Audrey Hepburn! Our room had a door opening to the backyard, and guess what? A brook flows through the backyard! How pretty I’ll let the pictures do the talking. Hush — don’t spread the word around about our find. The last thing you know is entire midtown area rushing over to the roxbury! We liked our peace and quiet

We did not have sex on this bed. Srsly, NOT!

Breakfast meets patio!

The town of Roxbury has the most cheerful and friendly townsfolk. Such a charm. We ended up going to the local watering hole “The Public”, for dinner. The local baseball team “The Roxbury Nine” was hosting their annual fund raiser, and before we knew it, I was swinging their team’s baseball bat Oh and we even got the yummiest snickerdoodle cookies from their swap. Awesome!

The following day we reserved for some hiking along the Esopus creek. The trail we chose wasn’t too hard, but still up hill. The trees could’ve used a dash of green, but heck, we were beating the crazy crowds by going just before season starts

Caution: slippery moss. Do not try to walk on them. Slip, you shall!

So, that was weekend before last. This past weekend, I was meeting with J’s sis and bro-in-law. They had come up to visit J and also check out this bro-in-law’s various homes (he apparently grew up in NY). Um, yeah. I’m meeting with family now. Both our families know about this thing now. Ahhh fun stuff. I must not complain, b’cos from what I saw, her sis and fam are pretty chill. We had an awesome time going out for dinner and generally drinking in various pubs in the Village.

Sunday brought a different kinda funk into the city. And the funk continues today. I hate this fucking rain and cold weather!! Its cruel to show us 80 degree days and then shove a 45-er down our throats. I refused to play ball, and walked around USq y’day with nay but a t-shirt on. I’m not feeling so great and invincible today. That clearly wasn’t the hottest idea I had on Sunday. Which brings me to an important question: Why must I be like this?

P.S. You should drag your butt to “Forgetting Sarah Marshall”. Its berry berry funny.

P.P.S. Will someone write a memo to MTA about that annoying shriek subway trains emit when pulling into stations? Not the most wonderful thing to hear when you are hung over and its Monday. And its raining. KThx.

P.P.S.S. As if we needed some smart ass blogger to point out. But here it is anyways. Google is neglecting Blogger. We all know how much blogger sux.

The most wonderful time of the year!

My hair is spiky today. But that is beside the point.

I am of the opinion that the most wonderful time of the year is in fact in April, not in December. In fact, April wins hands down. Not only is Spring in the air, but this is the only time of the year when you get pure, unadulterated money. CASH. Not stupid gift cards to stores you never go to, and having to deal with annoying relatives. (I have it particularly bad, since all the women in my mom’s generation still feel that I’m a little kid, and I need to be greeted by a pull to my cheeks and commenting on how much I’ve grown in the past year. But then again — its beside the point). Money, for you to spend. The fact that you actually have to do your taxes is a mere mild annoyance when compared to the ecstasy of waking up on a Wednesday morning and finding your bank account fatter by at least several hundred.

The manner in which anyone does their taxes says a lot about their personality. I would hazard a guess and say that it tells more about them than say their shoes, or their car. My regulars know for a fact that I’m a geek, and I’m in love with everything electronic. I write code to arrange my iTunes library, for example. lol. I find it amusing, therefore, when I observe myself turn into this compulsive tax-by-mail kinda guy. The only thing I use my computer for is to print out the forms. (It so happens that every year, the government has trouble locating me and fails to send me tax forms by mail. If it has trouble locating ME, I can pretty much assume the Osama sleeps peacefully at night. There I go again — beside the point!). After printing out the forms, I go through the information booklet that comes along with the form. Just to inform myself if the rules have changed. Then, I pull out last year’s tax return and go over it. This process of going over the information usually takes about week, and the tax booklet becomes my bed time read (I have to work in the day time, you know?). The following weekend, I do my taxes armed with pen, paper, and a calculator. I sit on my taxes for another week, asking around in my friend circle as to who is getting how much back. I try my taxes on Turbo Tax to check if the final numbers are correct or not. I do not actually file from Turbo Tax, but fill in all that information anyway. Now, I’m ready to file my taxes! Of course, I do not actually own any stamps, so that results in postponing the filing till I find time to make a trip to the local post office and buying a wad of stamps. (I usually misplace the wad after I file taxes, only to buy a new wad next year). Roughly it takes about 3 weeks for me to send my taxes. By the end of which, the numbers have been crunched, I don’t know, about 3 times (at a minimum).

If you think I’m a bit loopy, I’ll totally understand.

Now, I learned that J does her taxes by sending her W-2s to her older brother who takes care of everything. lol. I must be glad that my younger sister lives in Germany and I *cannot* do her taxes.

This year the month of April has been made that much more sweeter by all the free money we’re getting from the Government! I was thinking that I’ll get back $300, ‘coz thats the number that’s been going around. However, Turbo Tax told me that I’m getting $600!! Anyone have a clue as to what this whole deal is about? Apparently IRS again had trouble finding me and I haven’t received “official word” from them that I’ll be getting money back.

How do you do your taxes?

The sweetest escape

Dear Blog friends, as you may have noticed, I be escaped from blog world for most of last week. I must say, my escape was the sweetest! I spent 5 of those 6 nights with J and we ended up having a fabulous time together. Not that I completely forgot about you guys. I was thinking about each one of you. Not in a creepy way. Rather about how great your blogs are, and how at this very moment you could be blogging and my google reader could be filling up. I’ve reached a phase in blog absence that even the thought of opening my reader is stressful. I’m hoping the unread count is not in three figures, but who am I kidding?

Back to me. What have I been up to? Well, to begin with — JV, my office mate and partner in minor crimes around the office has left! How sad! He was a visiting scientist from Holland, the land of windmills. JV & R (his wife), moved to White Plains, the exact same time as I did, and we both met at work orientation and immediately hit it off. It was obviously great that he and I got to share the office. Me and JV used to carpool, meaning that I used to drive JV to work and back, while he employed the services of my car’s seat warmer and cooked his ass at 150F! I used to have dinner dates with JV & R all the time, and R would cook for us. All that was great … until … R got preggers! I don’t know how many of you have kids or have an idea of what growing one inside you does to you. Its safe to say that I was not at all familiar, and now I am intimately familiar. For one, you puke. A HELL LOT OF PUKE. You also puke wherever you smell something funny. Fresh baked cookies made R puke once. Needless to say, our dinner dates got less frequent. But JV and I would catch up every day at work and on the drive back home and stuff. After the first trimester of preggity, R got a whole lot better and would hang out more. She even baked me some Dutch apple pie. Yum. She got really sweet as the pregnancy progressed, and JV assures me that as she got sweeter, she also got more forgetful and emotional. Ah the joys of the hormonal roller coaster!

Sad, it was that they were leaving just as we were having such a lot of fun, now that J had met them and we all hung out and shit. Only one thing could make the pain of separation lesser. The mother of all MP3 SWAPS! JV arranged for a couple of his buddies at work, and me, to have a giant music swap. The services of a 500 GB hard drive were employed. As a result of all that, I now have a MOTHERLOAD of music! I haven’t tallied it all up, but the final loot could be around ~100 GB of music! Holy moly!

I wrote some code to organize the music, format it, set the title album genres right and such. Even then, integrating such a lot of music with your library is never easy. For one, you need to be aware of duplicates. Not so easy to spot when the names are ever slightly different, albums are different and so on. And then you have the joys of music which was downloaded when free mp3s were still around on the Internets … some copies just don’t have the volume set right, or the recording is inferior. That forces you to actually LISTEN to the songs before letting it in your library. I’m wondering if its already apparent to you that I have an iTunes-Music-Library-Organizr OCD? lol. You may be correct.

We had a goodbye party for JV & R last weekend, and I’m happy to report that they and their ‘Made in America’ baby are safe now in Amsterdam. The baby is still inside R, but whatever.

Then there is March Madness! J is a big bball fan, and this year? I did brackets. I did brackets! I fuckin never do sports stuff. Look at me now, I know which teams are making it to the Final 4! This sort of info has a very teeny tiny place in my brain to be stored, so its no wonder that sometimes it just doesn’t make it there. lol. But now it has. I hung out with J and her friends at the 40/40 club in Midtown. You might also know 40/40 as Jay-Z’s club! Speaking of Jay-Z, did you hear that he and Beyonce are getting hitched? Whoa! The club was great and all, but there were a busload of teenaged girls who didn’t know how to walk on high heels and were wearing skirts which barely reached past their assholes.

I got to meet J’s friends puppeh (black lab). It was the cutest thing I’ve seen in a while! I played with it for about an hour doing my puppeh voice. If you are on my Facebook — that’s the doggie on my profile pic.

I’ll be doing my rounds of your blogs, so expect me around soon Unless of course, I open Google Reader and hit “Mark all as read” hahaha!

PS: The salmon salad I’m having for lunch? The ‘grilled’ salmon is a bit pink and squishy inside. Just thought I’d share.

A thousand baseball bats hammer

A thousand baseball bats are hammering away on my forehead. I knew I had a thick skull, but the fact that I’m still alive bears testament to just how thick-headed I am.

I have a headache (like none I’ve had before), for almost TWO days now. Couple that with sneezing and dripping nose. Oh you want to find me? Just follow the little droplets of nosy, k? Yeahh, I’m totally hot right now.

The reason why J would still sleep with me Fri night was that she was congested too, and had green phlegmy goodness in her lungs. I joked that we are so old that we take sleeping meds and hit the bed at 10PM on a Fri night … and … go straight to sleep!

I snore, which is no secret. But couple that with a stuffy nose? Oh my freakin’ god, I was so loud that *I* woke up several times last night from the noise of my own snoring. Can you beat that?

To be fair, J warned me last weekend, when she first showed signs of coming down with the cold. I wouldn’t hear any of it, and stuffed my face into hers. Serves me right. We wallow in each other’s germs nowadays.

The only good thing which can come out of this? We’ll get over it at the same time. Unless of course, we keep on re-infecting each other.

Someone please take all these germs away. I’m not playing any more! KThxBai!

EDIT: The Ex has surfaced on Facebook!! I saw her befriending my old friends in Columbus. I think Facebook privacy controls were invented for this very day. On the plus side, her profile picture is weird and her face looks like ass. I’m very mature, I know. I’m blaming the cold, personally.

Like the deserts miss the rain?

So, ya’ll miss me that bad, huh? Sowwwy, I kinda zoned out. It wasn’t really a planned hiatus, but it happened. I think sex and subsequently getting *slammed* at work might have something to do with it. Per your request, today’s rant!

Damsel asked a very pertinent question. Am I dead? No of course, I’m still blogging, aren’t I??! But it does raise an important question. What if a blogger suddenly died? (Knock on wood and God forbid!!) What would happen then? Of particular concern are blogs which are anonymous or pseudo-anonymous and the existence of the blog is known only to the blogger and a few other critters on the Internet? Would any of the blog friends eventually know? Somehow I find this a bit unsettling since I’m sure, some of us are really good friends and have known each other through blogs for years now. Even more unsettling is that what would happen to our email accounts? Would people continue to email the dead blogger, not get any response and end up thinking the guy is just a jerk? Most importantly: “How long does it take a person to die digitally?” Thoughts?

Last week and the weekend was really hectic. I was jumping around here and there and waking up in different beds. Hectic as it may be, it was a heck lot of fun. Here’s the lowdown!

At some point last week, I have since forgotten, I met up our own Ashley (yea the one of 20sb fame!) for sushi and drinks in the city!! We ended up going to Nobu, which Ashley promised is the best sushi in midtown. At least of all the places she knows :-p This was officially the second blogger I met in real life. The first one I met in NYC (last september) ended up abandoning the blog and going completely underground. Oh, I never knew I had that kinda effect on people. Ashley is still blogging so, I hope I broke the jinx? Ashley any thoughts? Any plans to quit soon? LOL. We went through a large bottle of warm sake, sushi dinner, tuna and eel rolls, yummy dessert with vanilla ice-cream and crisps like nobody’s business. Ashley had to witness in 3-D and stereophonic sound just how bad my chopstick skillz are. They were at their most awesome worst that day with the sake doing some more damage. Ugh. Will someone just slap me silly and teach me how to use the damn things for real?

St. Patty’s day!! This was the big day, of sorts. No, not only because I had to hold in my beer since all the toilets were overflowing with piss drunk peeps with bladder issues (I spied one peeing in the BASIN!). This was a big day for the man in fur, since it was the first time I was meeting J’s friends!! One of her friends V, had come to the city to attend a conference (more on the conference later) and was staying with her over the weekend. This being March Madness, more of her friends were going to join us at the bar for UNC and Duke games. For some reason J was a bit apprehensive of the meet. She felt as if she was letting me loose in front of her girls. LOL! I tried to tell her that it was all cool, but my words wouldn’t do! Only the day after, in a hot shower with me, would she later admit that how easily it all flowed. On St. Patty’s we ended up chugging pitcher after pitcher and then going back to J’s place for some ahem probably illegal activities I think I was drunk on a weird mix of Jack Daniels, Proseco and Bud Light. (for the record, I hate bud light, but V likes it, hence I didn’t make silly faces at her, no really I did not). After drinking and listening to J’s friend’s iPod (I swear she has all of my songs), we headed out for some Italiano! I almost forgot to mention — this character V, she works in a well known sex toy company! That made for some very very interesting convo And that conference in the city she’s here for? Its a sex toy conference! What industry do I work in again? Not sex? Why not?

J came over to see me Sunday, and we “discovered” the pool in my apartment complex. How the fruck did I never go to a heated pool in my very own building in all of these months? We shall never know! I discovered how at home J is in the water. And I’m sure she discovered how uneasy I am in the water. LOL! I suck, I know. I got to see her water tricks, and is she fun or what. She does this real good impression of George Washington’s hair with her long wet hair. Argh. You have to see it to believe how funny it is!

Sadly, J’s sick today. There’s flu going around like a mad dog. Sore throat, feverish and a splitting headache. That’s how she described her woes to me. Am I next? After all we did exchange nothing less than a gallon of bodily fluids. Fuck, I hate colds.

Peace out homies.

If it makes you happy … then why the hell are you so sad?

As we lay on J’s bed, exhausted from our most recent bout of sexual activity, J asked the question.

“Is it impossible to ask that a couple remain monogamous?”

I initially thought the question to be easy to answer. I answered “No”, its not too much to ask that a couple remain monogamous. I even argued that the way our society is structured, it is only natural that we remain monogamous. Its only the aberrant few who stray. The ones who stray must be somehow sad or in miserable relationships and cheating is just a release which enables them to be happy, if only for a short period of time. While this is a theory, which I think is completely believable, there might be something even deeper which seems to trigger this behavior. Case in point?

Why did he have to cheat? Fuck cheating, he hired a ho! Granted that he was balding and middle-aged, but surely he could’ve found a willing intern? And why is this such a repeating pattern? It seems that this sort of thing happens over and over again with politicians at all different levels. What is it that makes these people stray from otherwise ‘perfect’ marriages and ‘brilliant’ careers?

Our society is weird, if you ask me. We seem to be rather obsessed with perfection. Which in itself is amusing, because as per our own definition, to err is to be human! Oh yeah, and never mind that we cannot really define what exactly ‘perfect’ is. Everyone seems to have their own definition of what perfection means when applied to just one aspect, leave alone applying the word to a person with a real life. Given that we live in a world full of imperfections, we deal pretty poorly with it. We’re always out looking for kleenex’s to wipe our imperfections away. The only problem being, that we can NEVER make enough kleenex’s to wipe our flaws out with.

I have no idea of what went out in Eliot Spitzer’s life, or what led him to hire a prostitute. But let’s assume for argument’s sake, he wasn’t really having the best sex of his life with his wife. Maybe he wanted to try something new? Role playing? Anal sex? Whatever. And this wife of his, wasn’t into all this stuff, and she just wanted it straight up. She liked how things were. Things came to such a head (funny word, head), that Mr. Spitzer really couldn’t take it any more. He needed a release. Hey, wait. At the same time he is a Governor, a job he likes a plenty. Lots of responsibility, lots of power. Maybe he was pretty good at his job too, who knows, whatever, he really wants to keep his job.

If he simply came out and told his wife that things weren’t working anymore and he really needed to split. What would you think the public’s reaction would be when he’s spotted with a hottie 6 months after the divorce?  The media would be ALL over him. His job would be ruined and yes, he’d be subjected to a thousand Jay Leno jokes. I’d be surprised if he weren’t tried and sentenced in the court of public opinion and forced to resign. If not, at the very least, his political career would be in jeopardy! [Note: Nicholas Sarkozy did survive such a scandal recently, but maybe because it was France?]

Forced to choose between the two, Spitzer falters and makes the mistake of wanting it all. He commits the very crime he fought so hard to end. He becomes a hypocrite.

I’m not trying to say that he is not responsible for his actions. He is. But as much as he is, society should also bear responsibility of imposing such demanding expectations of him. Also, I’m not suggesting that women should have anal sex to save their marriages. No, that’s not the point at all :-p So, instead of being so harsh on him, why don’t we take a moment to realize our own weaknesses and learn to look beyond imperfections?

It was ironic that this morning as I was leaving J’s apartment for work, she mentioned how the other day she’d noticed on Metro North a fairly attractive man and woman, with a ring on their fingers, casually start a convo on how ‘cool’ the guy’s BlackBerry was. I would’ve brushed it aside before, but now? I no longer know.

And we’re back to scheduled programming …

My blog has suddenly turned into that blog. The one-track blog where the author goes on and on about how great (or terrible) their life is. But the truth is that I didn’t even realize that post by post, the new relationship had my blog for dinner. Not that there’s anything wrong with it, but you know that I’m about more stuff than my GF? Tonight, my faithful few will get their fill of … hold it … a list post!

1. Is it only me, or is there just too much politics out there these days? To think that we’re not even down to the real thing, makes me sick. C’mon already! These politicians look and sound like a bunch of grade school kids trying to convince the teacher the other stole their candy. I propose that the best looking one of them be chosen. Given that we have to pretty much have their face plastered ALL over media for the next 4 yrs, its only fair on the voters, right??

Hillary: Comb your hair! You do not want to make me come down there and do it for you.

Obama: Dude, you the rockstar. Can you get a ear-o-plasty? Your ears engulf you. Kthx.

McCain: I know you’re battle scarred, but please, PLEASE, get some help for your left jaw which is jutting out at such an odd angle. You see, no one can concentrate on what you’re saying, ‘coz they’re fixated on that jaw.

2. I made my first lolcat! Yay! I made it for J, who’d come over on a school night. I may or may not have snored that night. lol. I have a snoring problem, but don’t necessarily snore every night. But when I do snore, its in all possible tones, pitches and frequencies. I know annoying, right? Well, I never said I was perfect!

On the other hand, making a lolcat for your GF immediately makes you “too cute to resist”. I may have to keep her paws off me tomorrow when I go into the city to spend Fri night with her!

3. I love trips that come out of the blue. Especially when such impromptu trips are to MIAMI! Ha! My man-friend from Columbus might be going down there some time late April. I’m flying down to join him for a weekend of sun, fun, girls, and the sights! And yes, we will be renting a convertible. All sexy women are invited to come along Time is limited, fun is not! J suggested a hotel where one of her friends stayed once. Its super duper hep and apparently, a hangout of porn stars. LMAO! Yoda be p0rnstar?? But at $825 a night, ahem, maybe we’ll give it a pass!

Victim of Changes

As an active theorizer, I have theories for any occasion. Its rare, though, where I am in a circumstance when I fall prey to a theory of my own. Some time last year, I had theorized that:

“The rate at which a blog is updated is inversely proportional to the frequency with which the blogger engages in sexual activity.”

So, given the number of times this blog has been updated in the last week, you should be able to deduce the number of times I’ve had sex? No? Let me help. Actually, no I can’t help you out in that department, because — officially, I’ve lost count My life has almost been turned upside down due to the overabundance of sexual activity, and sadly, this blog has fallen victim to the changes.

J and I have been doing fabulously well. I really didn’t imagine I’d be in so deep with a girl so easily (get your minds out of the gutter!). Not that we’re overly lovey, dovey … um, let me take that back. We almost made out in a Subway station, and then again in Central Park on Sunday, so maybe we are lovey & dovey. After the Knicks game on Weds (which we won!), I spent the night with J in her apt in EV. She gave me her keys, since I had to let myself out the next morning (I had an early morning call, which I took from her apt). I gave her my keys, just in case she comes up to my apt. one day and I’m a bit late at work. She can totally make herself at home. We exchanged KEYS! Not only keys, but I have her extra set of unmentionables at my place, and so does she have my shaving gel and other things manly Even though we exchanged keys, it didn’t feel weird, or too soon at all. It just happened.

The last week, I also went in for my checkup. The kinds where the doctor knocks on every freaking door on my body and checks if all is quiet on the western front. It also involves checking of the, um, apparatus. I’ll come straight out, and admit that till last Thurs, no man had touched my dong. So, for the first time on Thurs, another man touched my penis, squeezed my balls, moved them side to side and then up, pressed up on my prostate and briefly played around with the idea of shoving a finger up my ass. I was shaken to the core. I was violated. There’s still a blood test pending from that trip, which I’ll have to take care of tomorrow morning. Fucking vampires!

Its meeeee!

Meeee again!

Who the fuck is Walter Scott??

Union Square: We went street art hunting at USq. I bought a pic of midtown!

Us

There were tiles!

Za Pond!

The Squirrel and the Falcon! These two were eyeing each other for more than 30 mins. Everyone was scared the falcon would have a nice brunch!

The Knicks at Madison Sq. Garden!!